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395 



SOUL SONNETS OF A 
STENOGRAPHER 







BY 


s. 


E 


. KISER 

9 


LOVE SONNETS OF AN OFFICE 


BOY 






Illustrated 


by John T. McCutcheon 


50 cents 




9 


BALLADS 


OF 


THE BUSY DAYS 


jji.25 




^ 


SOUL SONNETS OF A STENOG- 


RAPHER, 


35 


cents 


FORBES 


& COMPANY 


Boston 


and Chicago 



Soul Sonnets of a 
Stenographer 

By 
Samuel Ellsworth Kiser 




- » ,' 



Forbes & Company 

Boston and Chicago 
1903 



Copyright, igoj 
By The Saturday Evening Post 






75 3 1 






Colonial Press : Electrotyped and Printed 
by C. H. Simonds & Co., Boston, U. S. A. 



SOUL SONNETS OF A 
STENOGRAPHER 



I wonder if 't would be a sin if I 

Should think sometimes how pleasant 

it would be 
If what another has should come to me? 
I Ve never really hoped that she would 

die, 
But if she has to go I wonder why 
I might not take her place? They say 

that she 
Has such an awful temper and that he 
Can't even smoke except upon the sly. 

5 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

He *s worth at least a million — what a 
pile! 
I 'm sick of writing " Gentlemen " and 

" Sir " — 
I wonder what he ever saw in her? 
She 's plain and has n't got a bit of style; 
She has to hide her neck with lace or 
fur, 
And, oh, her voice! It rasps just like a 
file. 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



II 



I don't wish harm to come to any one, 
But for a week past she 's been very 

ill, 
And if they took her out there on the 
hill 
To lie at rest, and he should, when he 's 

done 
The proper thing in mourning, cease to 
shun 
The pleasant paths and wanted me to 

fill 
The vacancy she left, I 'd gladly will 
Away this old machine I have to run. 

7 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

He must be fifty, may be fifty- five, 

His forehead, like the crab, is going 

back; 
The skin around his chin hangs rather 
slack; 
But fifty-five is nothing. Sakes alive! 
At that age men are in their prime, they 

say, 
Or very little past it, anyway. 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



III 

Ah me! how sick I am of all these 
hooks 
And foolish curlycues I have to write. 
They come to wriggle through my 
dreams at night, 
I 'm haunted by the ghosts of copy books : 
Life 's nothing but a lot of curves and 
crooks — 
And yet it could be, oh, so sweet and 

bright 
If things would only happen as they 
might, 
With Fate's approval, ere I lose my looks. 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

The days might all be sunny days and 
glad, 
The troubles that I have might disap- 
pear, 
I might forget the sorrows I have had 
And give up making hieroglyphics 
here — 
I 'd stroke his dear bald head when he 
was sad, 
And gladly cheer him when he needed 
cheer. 



IO 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



IV 

I wonder if I really am fair, 
Or if my fancy only tells me so? 
There are no wrinkles on my brow, I 
know, 
And there 's a silky gloss upon my 

hair: 
My arms are plump and white, and I 
can wear 
A waist without a collar and cut low; 
Upon my cheeks there 's just the faint- 
est glow 
Except when blushes come to gambol 

there. 

ii 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

The shoe clerks wonder at my little feet; 
My nose, save when it 's cold, is never 
red; 
I 'm certain that my figure 's trim and 
neat, 
And those to whom I Ve been engaged 
have said 
My mouth was very beautiful and 
sweet — 
But what 's the use, alas! She is n't 
dead. 



12 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



There 's Roberts making eyes at me 
again ; 

I wish that he was rich or stood in line 

To get a fortune. Would n't it be fine 
To just give up and learn to love him 

then? 
I can't help feeling sorry for him when 

His sad eyes turn so longingly to mine; 

By giving just one gentle little sign 
I might make him the happiest of men. 

He 's handsome and he 's polished, but, 
oh, dear! 

1 3 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

He has his widowed mother on his 
hands 
And men need something more than 
polish, too. 
He '11 never win importance working 
here, 
For those who win must boldly make 
demands 
To be rewarded for the things they 
do. 



14 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



VI 

How kind the Governor was yesterday! 
And once I caught him looking down 

at me — 
I know I 'm blushing — almost wist- 
fully, 
And, turning quickly then, he looked 

away, 
And, leaning on his desk, began to play 
A tune by drumming with his fingers. 

We 
Were in the office all alone and he, 
I 'm sure, had something that he wished 
to say. 

is 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Ah, how I felt my cheeks burn as I sat 
And ran my fingers up and down the 
keys 
And wondered if my hair strung 
down behind. 
I plainly felt my heart go pitapat, 

Till suddenly he gave an awful sneeze 
And then reached for a letter which 
he signed. 



16 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



VII 

How dark and dismal everything ap- 
pears; 
Sometimes I wish I never had been 

born; 
The fragile rose is hardly worth the 
thorn, 
The smiles but half repay us for the 

tears ; 

We barter happy days for doleful years; 

To-day the joys of yesterday we mourn. 

We sigh for loving looks, and words of 

scorn, 

As breakers beat the shore, assail our ears. 

*7 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

He turned to me a little while ago 
With anger and impatience in his face : 
" You 're getting careless with your 
work," he said: 
" I see you spell l lose ' with a double o — 
Remember that there 's no I in ' em- 
brace ' I" 
And, oh, the scornful way he jerked 
his head. 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



VIII 

I hardly slept last night, and in my 
dreams 
A hundred ugly phantoms seemed to 

rise; 
Old, scrawny witches tried to scratch 
my eyes, 
And nightmares came along in double 

teams : 
But, ah, once more the glad sun brightly 
beams, 
And all the clouds have faded from the 
skies ; 

J 9 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Through all my fancies happy visions 
rise — 
I seem to hear the tinkle of glad streams. 

He greeted me this morning with a smile, 
And asked me if the hours were too 
long, 
And there was something tender in his 
style, 
As if he were acknowledging a wrong. 
And in my gladness every little while 
I find that I have broken into song. 



20 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



IX 

This morning, as I sat with him alone, 

When Teddy Roberts had gone out a 
while, 

He looked up at me with a little smile, 
And in his eyes a look of kindness shone : 
I let my soul peep coyly from my own, 

Then, turning, fumbled with the letter- 
file, 

And stacked my pencils in a little pile, 
And heard him say, in such a kindly tone : 

" We all make foolish blunders now and 
then, 

21 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

And I confess that I have made my 

share — " 
I fancied it was coming then and there, 
But, ah, poor me! What luck I have! 

Two men 
Came in to talk about some deal 

somewhere, 
And hung around and spoiled the 

whole affair. 



22 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



X 

I think of him as " William/' but until he 
Is free I '11 merely have to think it. Oh, 
It seems so long to wait for her to go : 

I wonder if I '11 ever call him " Billy "? 

Of course I 'd never think of saying 
" Willie " 
To one as old and gray as he is, though ; 
I wish that I could find some way to 
know 

If to himself he thinks of me as " Lillie." 

I don't expect to ever really love him, 
But few get love and money, anyway. 

23 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

When I am his and he 's at work all 

day, 
Down here, I '11 see but precious little of 

him. 
So, if December turns out gloomy, May 
Can still proceed to blossom and be 

gay. 



24 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XI 

How handsome Teddy Roberts is! Last 
night, 
When William had gone home, and 

Ted and I 

Were here alone, I heard him gently 

sigh, 

As, standing with me in the fading light, 

He took my hand, not asking if he might, 

And, pointing out the window at the 

sky 
All colored as with some soft, crimson 
dye, 
Asked if I ever saw a lovelier sight 

25 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

How sweet the moment was! It seemed 
to me 
As if we gently floated off in space, 
Or out upon some smooth, enchanted sea : 
The town was lost below us, and his 
face 
Was very close to mine — regretfully 
I drew away, evading his embrace. 



26 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XII 

I wonder if it 's best for me to wait 
Till Death and she decide to turn him 

loose ? 
But fudge! I '11 not seek trouble; 
what 's the use? 
Success waits not upon, but governs Fate : 
I '11 keep dear Teddy nibbling at the 
bait — 
When William is n't watching, dear 

old goose — 
And, if he presses, find some fair excuse 
To make him hope that Time will set 

things straight. 

27 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Then, if the doctors pull her through at 
last, 
And all my happy dreams are spoiled, 

and all 
The splendid castles that I Ve built 
must fall, 
I need not sit defeated nor downcast, 
But, giving Love his victory, install 
Ted in my heart, forgetting all the past. 



28 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XIII 

Last Sunday afternoon I walked along 
The splendid avenue where they 

abide: 
I saw the house and thought of her in- 
side, 
And, half-oblivious of the passing throng, 
Without once wishing anybody wrong, 
I seemed to see myself there as his 

bride, 
And, throwing all the doors of fancy 
wide, 
I lightly hummed a happy little song. 

29 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

How beautiful it was! How proud I '11 
be 
When all the busy servants there are 

mine: 
I '11 have my breakfast brought to me 
at Nine 
And make the butler dress in livery, 
And, best of all, I '11 have a chance to 
shine 
O'er snobbish ones who now look down on 
me. 



3° 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XIV 

I met Nell Bracket last night in the street : 
I 'd hate to wear the new hat that she 's 

got. 
Poor thing, she thinks that she has 
Teddy caught, 
And fancies that I '11 occupy a seat 
Away back near the door. Ah me! how 
sweet 
'T will be when I am Mrs. Worthalot 
To nod at her sometimes and show I 'm 
not 
Too proud to see the old friends that I 
meet. 

31 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

How sorry I should be to have to pad 
The way she does to fill her clothes ; 
they say 
Her figure 's something frightful. It 's 
too bad 
That girls should try to fool the men 
that way: 
When I am William's I will make him 
glad 
By wearing something low-necked 
every day. 



X2 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XV 

Poor Nell! She 's said mean things con- 
cerning me : 
But I forgive her. Goodness, what 's 

the use 
Of being angry at the little goose? 
She 's half beside herself with jealousy! 
If everything turns out all right I '11 be 
Her dearest friend: I '11 hoist a flag 

of truce 
And help her get dear Teddy in the 
noose, 
And show her that she 's judged me 
wrongfully. 

33 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

And when they 're married I can fix it so 
That Ted will be discharged, and then, 

when Nell 
Comes humbly pleading for him, I will 
tell 
Her how I pity her, poor thing, although 
I 'm very, very high and she is low, 
And tell her to trust me — 't will all be 
well. 



34 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XVI 

I thought I 'd see a fortune-teller who 
Has told some wondrous things for 

friends of mine : 
She told me that my horoscope was 
fine: 
" You '11 marry wealth," she said, " but 

only through 
A charm I '11 give can he be brought to 
you: 
When he this lozenge eats for you he '11 

pine," 
And over it she made a mystic sign — 
35 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

The old hag charged three dollars for it, 
too. 

The next day William said his throat was 
sore; 
And when I 'd given him the charm 

he bit 
A little chunk and sat there chewing it, 
Then suddenly jumped up and raved and 

tore 
And knocked the dictionary on the 
floor — 
I thought the dear old man would have 
a fit. 



36 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XVII 

I wonder if he fancies pink or blue? 
Although I 'm rather dark I often 

think 
I 'm foolish to wear nothing bright but 
pink, 
For blue things are becoming to me, 

too: 
I know that Teddy likes a lively hue — 
Dear Ted! — he even uses purple ink; 
But William's taste? Ah, gladly I 
would sink 
My preference for his if I but knew. 

37 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

I must contrive to always look my best, 
For men are won by looks, say what 

you will : 

The dear old bald-head going down the 

hill 

Still has the little soft place in his breast, 

Still rather likes the beautiful, and still 

Has eyes to notice how a girl is dressed. 



38 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XVIII 

How vainly and how foolishly we plan: 
We think by subtle means to shape 

affairs, 
To lure the wily game within our 
snares, 
And failure mocks us, as it only can. 
Whether at Council Bluffs or Ispahan, 
Or in the orange grove or on the 

stairs 
We seek to play the game, she errs who 
dares 
To fancy that she fully knows her man. 

39 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

I thought, by seeming ill, to make him 
sad, 
And, moaning, on the office couch I 

fell: 
I hoped that he would smooth my brow 
and tell 
Me something tender. Oh, the shock I 

had! 
He spoke of " whining women " and was 
mad — 
In future he will always find me well. 



40 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XIX 

Sweet patience like consistency 's a jewel ; 
But, oh, it 's hard to wait, and time is 

pressing: 
Why will the foolish doctors keep us 
guessing 
And putter on with nostrums and with 

gruel 
When, after all, they but prolong the duel 
That Pain and Peace are fighting, 

while confessing 
Down in their hearts that death would 
be a blessing? 
It may be scientific, but it 's cruel. 

41 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Why can't they let the weary soul go 
winging 
Its way to where angelic bands are 

thronging? 
Ah, surely they must know that they are 
wronging 
The pale, exhausted sufferer by bringing 
Back to its clay the half-freed soul, pro- 
longing 
The woe that ends where Heaven's hosts 
are singing. 



42 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XX 

I '11 give her clothes away; I would n't 
care 
To put on things that she had worn; 

I '11 let 
Her relatives have what they want and 
get 
New things made for myself : I could n't 

wear 
Her garments, anyway, for she 's so spare 
And faded out, while I 'm a deep 

brunette. 
And I can have her jewels all reset 
When she is gone and I am mistress there. 

43 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

He 's been so glad and kind to-day: no 
doubt 
He sees the end approaching, sees be- 
yond 

The troubled bar a poor sail passing out, 
While in the placid offing there has 
dawned 

Upon his gaze the graceful craft and trim 

That comes with long-due happiness to 
him. 



44 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXI 

They Ve given Teddy dear a little raise: 
He may turn out to be a winner yet: 
Ah, well, I '11 keep him fast within the 
net 
And let him dream of coming joyful days, 
For she, alas! may fool us all. It pays 
To have a shelter handy when it 's 

wet — 
Why cannot Fate be kind enough to 
let 
Us now and then peer down the future 
ways? 

45 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Last night I paused beside Ted where he 
sat 
And spoke about his mother: when he 
rose 
I reached up and adjusted his cravat 
And let my fingers touch his chin, whereat 
He caught my hand and started to pro- 
pose — 
Dear boy, I could n't let it come to that 



46 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXII 

I hate the office boy. This morning when 
The world was seeming beautiful and 

bright 
The little imp came in and said : " Last 
night 
I seen you fixin' Teddy's tie, and then 
I watched you holdin' hands." I dropped 
my pen 
And longed to creep in somewhere out 

of sight: 
I M like to wring his little neck for 
spite 
And never look upon his like again. 

47 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

I know that William heard him, too, al- 
though 
He did n't look around, for I could see 
His shoulders shaking up and down, and, 
oh, 
I wonder if his heart beat jealously? 
If what I dream of ever comes to me 
The office boy shall be the first to go. 



4 8 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXIII 

This morning as he sat there in his chair, 
Half tilted back, and got the mail and 

read, 
I put a letter on his desk and said, 
While standing at his side : " Why, I 

declare! " 
And from his shoulder took a long, dark 
hair. 
He gurgled fondly as he turned his 

head, 
Reached for the hair, but caught my 
hand instead, 
And for a happy moment held me there. 

49 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Ah, dear old soul, how red his gray cheeks 
went — 
He had n't shaved, and so the stubbles 

showed — 
His eyes, as I looked in them, fairly 
glowed ; 
Alas, he lost his balance as he bent, 
And, reaching out, upset the ink and rent 
His watch-chain. Oh, I felt that I 'd 
explode. 



50 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXIV 

I wonder what compels my heart to 
sink 
When I foresee myself as his — his 

own — 
Up there with him in that big pile of 
stone? 
It seems as if I trembled on the brink 
Of some deep, dark abyss. I often think 
Of Teddy's handsome face when I 

have thrown 
Myself upon the bed to lie alone 
And toss and fret and never sleep a wink. 

51 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Ah, there are wattles under William's 
chin 
Like those old roosters always have ; his 
eyes 
Are rather watery, too; but, fudge! I '11 

grin 
And stand what must be stood. Who 
hopes to win 
The prize of wealth — the dazzling, 

splendid prize — 
Must also take the husk in which it lies. 



5 2 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXV 

I '11 not be selfish when my wish comes 
true; 
They say that she is closer than the 

paste 
Upon a four-cent postage stamp. I '11 
taste 
The joy that comes from giving; I '11 go 

through 
Dear William's pockets every night or 
two 
And cheer the poor; the gaunt wolf 
shall be chased 

53 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

From many a widow's door when I am 
placed 
Where I may do the things I long to do. 

My father shall give up his job and rest — 
Poor man, he 's had to toil so long and 
hard. 
And I shall keep my dear old mother 
dressed 
In stuff that costs two dollars cash a 
yard. 
And on my carriage door I '11 have a crest 
When I go riding down the boulevard. 



54 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXVI 

What silly things men are! A girl may 

wind 
Them round her fingers if she only 

tries ; 

They say big words, pretending to be 

wise, 

But, oh, they 're stupid and they 're very 

blind. 

I '11 take good care that William dear 

shall find 

Some man to fill my place here when 

she dies ; 

LifC. 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

I '11 blackball every woman who ap- 
plies, 
However old she is, when I 've resigned. 

If only Teddy were the master here, 

I 'd coyly give him courage to be bold; 
He 's silly like them all, but when he 's 
near 
I 'm filled with all the joy that I can 
hold; 
How gladly I would lead him by the ear 
If he had but a tenth of William's 
gold. 



56 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXVII 

There 's something wrong. There 's trou- 
ble in the air. 
Her sister came here yesterday. He 

sent 

Me from the private office; as I went 

She gave me an unfriendly, nasty stare — 

I wonder if the old frump thinks I care? 

Some day, perhaps, I '11 ask her what 

she meant; 
When humbly she comes wanting to re- 
pent 
I '11 give her glances that will crimp her 
hair. 

57 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

His face was clouded when she 'd gone 
away, 
He sat and rubbed his chin and thought 

and thought, 
And when I stole up to his side and 
sought 
To make him glad I noticed with dismay 
A bunch of violets that I had brought 
All scattered where the scraps of paper 
lay. 



58 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXVIII 

The end has come ! Oh, what a fool was I 
To think of giving up my soul for 

gold. 
Some busybody went to her and told 
The wretched thing a monstrous, wicked 

lie — 
Therefore she has decided not to die. 
The mad old wildcat says I 'm bad 

and bold, 
And so I 'm rudely turned out in the 
cold — 
What shall I say when people ask me 
why? 

59 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

Ah, well! I 'm glad it 's done. Now 
I am free 
To give my love to Ted and claim the 

joy 

Ambition almost led me to destroy. 
The poor old fools, they Ve merely shown 

to me 
The happy course I blindly failed to 
see — 
Oh, Teddy, thank your stars, you lucky 
boy. 



60 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 



XXIX 

Now, if the tears were poison that I shed 
I 'd weep a bucketful and find some 

way 
To make them drink. The joy that yes- 
terday 
I might have claimed as all my own has 

fled. 
I wish that they and all of us were dead! 
Fate brings us here, not asking if she 

may — 
She grants us no protesting word to 
say — 



Soul Sonnets of a Stenographer 

It 's just announced that Nell has married 
Ted! 

Whether at Naishapur or Baltimore 
We leave loose screws, they wreck the 
plans we 've made ; 
They sadly err who fancy that the score 
Is ever sure before the hand is played; 
Unhappiness for her is still in store 
Who counts her goslings ere the eggs 
are laid. 



THE END. 



62 



By S. E. KISER 

Ballads of the Busy Days 

ONE hundred poems representing the best 
work of this well-known poet. Many of 
them are humorous, some have a delicate vein 
of pathos that makes a sure appeal to the heart, 
and all possess that charming human quality 
which has made Mr. Kiser's verses widely pop- 
ular. 

" Mr. Riser's work is too well known to need praise. 
He is a popular favorite." — Minneapolis Times. 

" His many varieties of verse have made him a friend 
of every lover of poetry." — Columbus Press. 

" Mr. Kiser has that rare original wit that can turn the 
most commonplace things to laughable account." — Dal- 
las News. 

" Few or none of the magazine poets excel Mr. Kiser 
in touching the chord of human sympathy." — The Argo- 
naut, San Francisco. 

Tastefully printed and bound in an artistic, decorated 
cover, i2mo, cloth, gilt top, 224 pages. Price, $i.2j. 

FORBES & COMPANY, Publishers 
BOSTON and CHICAGO 



By S. E. KISER 

Love Sonnets of an Office Boy 

WITH TWELVE PICTURES BY JOHN T. 

McCUTCHEON 

J* 

" A joy forever." — New York Sun. 

" Full of fun."— Philadelphia Telegraph. 

" Irresistibly funny." — Minneapolis Times. 

" All well done and exquisitely funny." — The Journal- 
ist. 

" Its fun is fairly side-splitting." — Indianapolis Sen- 
tinel. 

"If you have ever been a boy, read this book." — 
Talent. 

" Pure humor and actual tenderness." — Louisville 
Courier-Journal. 

" These sonnets will prove a source of delight to all 
people with a true sense of humor." — Judge. 

"There is in each and every one of these sonnets a 
screamingly funny office-boy-like turn of phrase." — New 
York Mail and Express. 

J* 

Price, 30 cents. 

FORBES & COMPANY, Publishers 
BOSTON and CHICAGO 



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BINDERY INC. 

0k DEC 88 

N. MANCHESTER, 
INDIANA 46962 

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